That's right Vern! I've got tattoos too now! Just kidding, I really do have 7 tattoos, but they are all the size of a freckle. I had my radiation simulation today and I got an additional tattoo to add to my 6 from last time. I'm proud of them - they are physical reminders of this journey that will be with me for the rest of my life...my LONG life. Radiation the second time around is going to be a little complicated. The same area can't be radiated twice, but the field radiated the first time wasn't quite large enough. My recurrence happened just outside the line of radiation, so we are going to go in and try to radiate right next to the old field. The doc in charge is my Dad's partner (no pressure right?), he is awesome. I like it when they don't sugarcoat or placate me - he was straight about the risks...lymphedema, neuropathy...but he could have told me the risk could be a donkey head growing out of my armpit and I wouldn't care. Anything is better than cancer.
It was a typical Hilo rainy day, one of those days where the sun never breaks through the clouds. Sounds awful, but it is the kind of day that really makes me feel at home. It's still warm, the ocean is still beautiful and you feel kinda snuggly watching the rain come down all day. Well, I felt snuggly, Brian was back at it working like a beast. He's done well over a dozen dump runs, he's got almost all the furniture out of the house, all the carpet torn up, and has started washing walls in the living room and dining room. After he finishes washing the walls in the whole house he is going to sand and refinish the floors, then renovate the bathrooms. It's a little frustrating for me to just sit back and watch him work so hard. I want so badly to help, but just walking from one end of the house to the other gets me winded. So today I tried to imagine that all this vigorous work that he is doing is synonymous with the work that is going on inside my body to purge all of the nasty cancer cells. It's been frustrating for him to sit by and watch me go through some of the tougher days, so putting this house back together is his way of helping me get better. At least I get to spend the whole day with him. I have my little rest area in the room he is working in - we get to chat a little, joke around a little, make funny faces at each other, steal little kisses. It's nice. It's way better than having to wait 8 hours for him to come home from work.
Tomorrow our ocean container of stuff arrives. I'm kind of afraid to see all that stuff again. It's been nice living out of a suitcase for the past 2 weeks, but I guess there are some things that I miss. My computer, my bed, some books. Most of the stuff is going to stay in storage until we finish the house or find a rental, whichever comes first. What I'm REALLY missing is my doggy. I feel like our family isn't complete without her. I'm comforted to know that she is getting lotsa love from Aunty Dina and Uncle Darin and big Moosie too. How confused is she going to be when she gets here huh? I hope she loves Hawaii, but I'm sure her heart will miss Dina, Darin & Moose and all of SF too - no matter how great Hawaii is.
love,
Denise
About Us
- Nise and Brian
- Hilo, HI, United States
- Denise found a lump in her breast in Aug 2008, and was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer on 9/11/08. She went through 16 cycles of chemo, a lumpectomy, and radiation ending in June 2009. In July 2009 Denise was given the news that the cancer had metastasized to her bones and liver. New chemo was started Aug 2009, then radiation Dec 2009, but the cancer continues to spread through the liver and bones. Today Denise and Brian live in Denise's hometown of Hilo on the Big Island of Hawaii and live each day as it is the best day ever.