back on track

Sorry everyone - Brian and I have been thinking about the blog for the past few days, but neither of us had the right moment to sit down and connect with all of you. We are receiving your emails, comments, calls with your encouragement and thanks for keeping up with the blog...we'll try not to take too many lapses like this one!

Brian has been hammering away at clearing out my mom's house kinda like the Tasmanian devil. In the last 4 days he has taken 9 full truckloads to the dump, ripped up the carpet in 2 rooms, cleared out the garage, cleared out the back patio and the periphery of the house. Joyce was helping until Friday when we had to say goodbye to her short trip here (Hi Joyce! We miss you!). We just came back from Waikoloa for a mini 24hr vacation to see Dina's parents. It was nice to peel Brian away from all the hard work, and always nice to see my Hanai Parents. The weather was hot hot hot, but we swam in the crystal blue ocean at Mauna Kea Beach to cool off. Brian tried to swim with a lone manta ray that cruised near the beach, but it elegantly swam away when people got too close. It's rare to see those big guys swimming around in the morning - you usually see them at night with lights peering into the water, so it was a special treat. I think they look like angels.

I unfortunately had some not-so-good days the past few days, but for good reason. My WBC (White Blood Cell) count had dipped down to danger level on Monday, so for the following 4 days I was on an injection called Neupogen. It is basically a substance that tells your bone marrow to start producing more blood, which includes the stuff that makes up WBCs. If your WBCs gets too low then you can't fight off infection, and the common cold can make you hospital bound. So, 4 days of the injection is much better than 4 days in ICU, but a side effect is some crazy bone pain. If you have ever been laid up with back pain then you know what this feels like. I hate taking pain killers, but I guess times like this is when it is justified. My theory is that the pain is a smoke signal telling you that something is going on with your body - I like to listen to it and try to do things to correct it. The good news is the pain has subsided substantially and my WBC is back to normal levels. It was all worth it.

Monday I start prep for radiation again. I think it'll be another month until I actually start, but I'm happy to get ready. You hear that cancer? Your days are numbered! I keep thinking about the odds, then I stop thinking about the odds. If you ever get diagnosed with a serious illness do yourself a favor and don't sit on Google and read statistics. According to statistics I shouldn't have cancer. Also according to the statistics I don't have a good chance of long term survival. Pardon my french, but that's a load of bullshit Google. Statistics don't mean jack. My plan is to keep this fight up long enough to be alive when the new drugs and new treatments become available to Triple Negative Metastatic Breast Cancer. It took me a little while to get to this place of determination - being told you are in a fight for your life is just plain earth shattering. Little by little we are all picking up the pieces and I'm remembering who I was before this cancer came into my life. I was a feisty young lady that was stubborn and determined. I'm still that young lady, I just forgot for a while. I have always lived against the odds, so why should this situation be any different? I can see a long life ahead of me - a life with Brian. We just got here to Hawaii, there is so much that I want to experience, so much that I want to share with Brian and all of my loved ones. I aint goin' nowhere cancer. You are.

love,
Denise