I had a lady randomly come up to me yesterday and tell me what a cute haircut I had. It takes so much to suck it up and just smile and say thank-you. I want to say thank-you-but-I-lost-all-my-hair-to-chemo-and-this-is-only-grown-back-for-two-months-and-it-is-all-about-to-fall-out-again-but-it's-ok-because-I-have-a-good-shaped-head, but no one wants to hear that, and I genuinely appreciated the bravery of a stranger to offer a compliment to another stranger. The bigger picture is that I don't look like I have cancer. Aside from a protruding lump on my chest from my port and a very slow and ginger walk I can blend into society as a normal 30-something little lady.
It's been almost 2 weeks since chemo, and also 2 weeks since I started the big-guns pain meds. I know that the pains are still there, but they are muted. I can more or less go where I want to go and do what I want to do...within reason. The bigger problem right now is the Hand Foot Syndrome which is a side-effect of the chemo - makes it feel like your shoes are made of nails with the pointy side facing the soles of your feet. No problem. Means that the drugs are working. If my feet hurt then the cancer is dying. It's just a little sucky that I can't walk too far. Luckily I have a big strong husband that can carry me!
Let me tell you, it is HARD work to take care of yourself. I don't think I've ever taken such good care of my diet, my supplements, staying stress-free, getting a weekly massage, using the right soap, staying away from plastics, drinking enough water, getting rid of toxic makeup...and there is still so much more I could be doing. I try not to think what if I had been better to my body before all this cancer crap, but you can't go backwards in life. Moving forward if we can help even one person to choose to go to the doctor for regular check-ups, to choose to have a solid health insurance policy WHILE you are healthy, to choose to eat organic meats and produce, to choose to get rid of toxic cleaners...if we have helped steer even one person towards a healthier existence and maybe steered away from potentially getting cancer, then this...all of this has meaning.
I know that I look better than I feel, and that is a part of the hard work I put in to fighting this beast. If I can walk out the door and past a stranger on the street without ever giving away how sick I am, then I consider it a win for me.
Love,
Denise
About Us
- Nise and Brian
- Hilo, HI, United States
- Denise found a lump in her breast in Aug 2008, and was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer on 9/11/08. She went through 16 cycles of chemo, a lumpectomy, and radiation ending in June 2009. In July 2009 Denise was given the news that the cancer had metastasized to her bones and liver. New chemo was started Aug 2009, then radiation Dec 2009, but the cancer continues to spread through the liver and bones. Today Denise and Brian live in Denise's hometown of Hilo on the Big Island of Hawaii and live each day as it is the best day ever.