DENISE LYNNE LAMBETH-MANNY
Born: April 18 1976
Died: August 25 2010
Survived by a loving husband, a caring mother and father, supporting brothers and extended family and literally thousands of fans world wide!
When I found Denise unconscious last night, I thought it wasn't real. I thought she was sleeping and I just needed to get her to a more comfortable place. Even when I picked her off the floor, I thought it was just a matter of time before she snapped out of it. Even as I was yelling for 911 from the basement and beginning CPR, I was waiting for her to be mad that I was overreacting. It wasn't until being pulled off her by the medics that it hit me. "I never got to say good-bye!"
I know that's not exactly true, because we've been working at the good-bye for two years. This night, however, I didn't. I forgot to kiss her on the forehead when I went upstairs to eat with her grandmother. I had been by her side all day, except for 30 min. and I forgot to say it. As we were traveling to the hospital I just wanted the opportunity to tell her, "I Love You!" She never wanted to be put on a ventilator, so I couldn't help to worry that she was going to be pissed at me when she woke up, but she wasn't. They got her conscious enough in the hospital for her to look me in the eye, and sign "I Love You."
She also was telling us that, "It's okay," and motioning to take the tube out. She lasted consciously until her father made it her from Hilo. The moment he got there, she fell into the most comfortable sleep. We removed her from the aids of the machines and she drifted on at 8:50 AM PDT. I have been quietly preparing myself for that moment for two years, but I cannot tell you how wrong I was. There is no prep for losing a wife! The moment she closed her eyes I missed her so terribly! It's hard to breathe, everything looks fuzzy, I just want one more day, but that would be so selfish. She chose when to go and where to do it.
She's so damn smart, it makes sick sometimes! She left me on the edge of Long Lake in Washington. It's such a beautiful day with boaters carrying on and Mt. Rainier looming over the opposite shore. She new that I would find peace here. I can fell her in everything I do. I can't help but see her standing behind me watching me type. She always says, "She'll find me!" The peace I feel inside isn't going to make this easy. Her battle lasted two years, but mine goes on.
I can't tell you how long that battle will be. I slept today, which is something I didn't think would happen. Is that healing? I laughed about Denise's stubbornness. Is that healing? How do you ever heal from this. Every moment reminds me of something we did together or something she said to make me laugh. Nobody has made me laugh the way she did.
I'm not sure how often I'll keep this blog going. I guess I never knew how often I would write, but it sorta happened. I want to tell you all that your interest in something that a random couple writes about their experience with cancer, blew us away. I don't think she would have made it as long as she did without this little site. To know and understand how you all feel, makes me a little stronger. This can't be easy for many of you. I know not being here is killing some of you. There's nothing that we can do, except live in her name and with her memory.
The specifics of a memorial are still a little cloudy. It's going to be in Hilo probably the second weekend in September. My thought is that we'll do it at our house, big property, great views and plenty parking. I want you to all know, that Denise wouldn't want to to fret over being there if you cannot make it! Our arms however, will be wide open to those of you choosing to share the time with us. I'll put the final info on the blog when we work it out.
I'll leave you today with this............Denise was and is a powerful woman! She owned her life. Did things her way and expected great things from her loved ones. My life is so full of love from her and I owe it to her to do the things that we didn't get to do together. Her pain is over, and for that, I'm happy. Together is how we all can get through this. Love your neighbor as anger gets us nowhere!
Peace, Love and Happiness
Your and Forever
I Love you Baby!
Brian Philip Manny
December 14 1977 - stories not quite over yet!
